don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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