I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
