Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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