if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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