If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
