i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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