When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
