I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.