just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.