Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite