She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
