I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law