you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT