You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My dad just said "fuck circus"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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