i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
