WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
