i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
