i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
