Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
