I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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