When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
