Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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