he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
