Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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