you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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