Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
