My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
