I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
