if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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