Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
