I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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