Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
