You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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