If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
