I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
