Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
