he was CRYING into my vagina
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
