on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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