This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
