I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
