God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
home. puking in laundry basket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
