My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
