yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
