I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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