Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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