we're blogging at a bar
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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