If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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