bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
