Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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