Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
