i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
