he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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