I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
