My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
