I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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