he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
