chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she told me i tasted like america
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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