there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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