If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
