youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
