wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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