What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
