I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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