i think i have two assholes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
