i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
